Fax to: The Chief of Police

When we left off yesterday, I was inching slowly forward in my grade appeal, and it was just about to get interesting. But in the meantime, a kind of side show has developed over the last couple of days. Well, actually it's more of a freak show than a side show, and it's going to take a whole lot of explaining to get you up to speed. To make a long story short, I was arrested on the U of W campus yesterday for trespassing, and it got a little weird. Without getting into the details of how it all came down, the end result was that I decided to send an urgent fax to the Chief of Police this morning.

It turns out it's not so easy to fax the Chief of Police. They won't give out any kind of departmental fax numbers. So instead I sent the fax to the Mayor and asked him to forward it to the Chief. Here is what the fax said:

URGENT

FAX TO:                 Chief of Police

FROM:        Marty Green

DATE:                       January 30^th 2012

SUBJECT:   Arrest for Trespassing

Dear Mr. Klunis:

Yesterday, Officers 2759 and 3044 attended to the University of Winnipeg in response to a complaint of Trespassing. I am presently involved in a civil dispute with the University, and as part of their strategy, they have chosen to threaten me with trespassing charges if I appear on campus. For reasons of my own, I decided it would be beneficial to me to be charged with trespassing, and I informed the University in advance of my intention to peacefully and non-disruptively disregard the ban. I proceeded to do so, and was apprehended without incident by the U of W Security.

How can it be that when all parties concerned simply wanted a ticket to be issued, I ended up pinned to the ground writhing in agony? I did nothing to prevent the officers from doing their duty, but for reasons I cannot imagine the incident became violent.

Unfortunately, as part of the civil dispute between the University and myself, it will be necessary for me to return to the campus and defy the trespassing ban again. I have told the University already, and I am telling you now, that my actions are peaceful and that I will leave when requested. I am willing to get as many tickets as you choose to write but I see no reason why my personal safety should be at stake.

I am therefore asking for an immediate meeting with you and the officers on duty so I can be assured that if you wish to continue to involve your department in this private dispute, that any future encounters will be properly handled.
FOLLOW UP (Feb. 2nd): It turns out the Chief never called back, but I heard from Sgt. Antonio down at the precinct who was pretty reasonable about things. And the next time I got arrested, the cops were indeed much more civilized. We actually had quite a nice discussion over the whole scenario while they were writing out my ticket, and when I told the guys I would be representing myself in court, they tried to warn me that I was going to have an awfully hard time going up against against guys like Sheldon Pinx, who would "tear me to shreds" (in their words).  I had to laugh at that: "I went to school with Sheldon Pinx", I told them. Actually, that's not even true...in fact I went to school with Saul Simmonds. But that's not why I bring it up. I mention it because sometimes in a conversation you have the chance to deliver a real zinger. (My father was famous for that.) And in this case I had the chance and I blew it! What I meant to say, when they brought up Sheldon Pinx, was: "Sheldon Pinx? I went to Hebrew School with Sheldon Pinx!"  (Again, Saul Simmonds actually, but it's the same basic idea.)